oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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