please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
