omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
