I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
