We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
