Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
