hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
