the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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