I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Randomize
