hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
