Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
