Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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