You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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