Whod you bang
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
