I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
