One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
