Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
