I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
