butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
