Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
