butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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