My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
