Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize