If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
