Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
