you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
