I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
