It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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