I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize