i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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