I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Mom said you looked used
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize