I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize