I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We need to rekindle our bromance
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
