May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
