i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize