No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
