singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
