My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i think i just lost a toe
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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