it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
