you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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