either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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