She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
