I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
