Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
