those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
