i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
