That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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