He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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