I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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