the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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