I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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