you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
