I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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