I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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