Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
