You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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