I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
