I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
