Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
