I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
