my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
