I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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