I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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