; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
