So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
