highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
