if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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