She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
