Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
