Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
