this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize