I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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