My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my poor anus
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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