i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
