Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
