he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
