my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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